on my own

I don't know what happened, but I think it was God. Ever since yesterday (Sunday), God has just really helped me with my homesickness and has totally filled my heart with joy. I guess I'm just living proof that God hears His people when they pray and He answers them. I have just really poured out my heart to God every day that I've been here---telling Him how I felt, good or bad, telling Him what I wanted, and asking Him for only the amount of strength that I would need for each individual moment. You know, I am kind of surprised at myself, but I don't think that I have ever really had the need to live one day at a time, one moment at a time. And I am so not exaggerating, either. It has been kind of scary at times, just not knowing what each day would bring and whether or not I would be able to handle it. It was very, very hard for me and so I just asked God for His grace. And what do you think? He gave me His grace!! And along with it came His mercy, His strength, His joy, and His peace. I have never felt such a rush of emotions inside me before. But it's awesome! As much as I want to come home still, I know that it's right before God for me to be exactly where I am right now. And for the first time in my life, I am really standing alone before God. I mean, I know I am solely accountable before Him all the time, but now I am on my own. Without my parents. Without my friends. Without my church. I have to know where I stand on every issue, and more importantly, I have to live a godly life. I have to make my own time to spend in God's word. I have to make my own time to pray. My heart is still at home with the people and places I love, but I am thankful for this experience. My faith has, almost of necessity, become very real to me. I also, being so blessed and comfortable in life, have never really "needed" to have strong faith and rely solely on that. But now my faith is all I have. But it is also all that I need. My faith in Jesus Christ my Lord means so much to me. All that He has done for me is.....amazing. I don't know a better word. I know I'm kind of jumping all over the place, but I am just so incredibly thankful for God. He has given me the strength and power I need to get over myself and my present physical limitations, and to see Him and only Him. Right now, when I look down the road that lies in front of me, I know nothing of where I'll be, what I'll be doing, or if I'll even be alive....all I can see right now is God. And that's how it should be all the time, every moment of my life, isn't it? We as humans get so wrapped up in details, in the small things. We get so stressed out over homework, work, relationships, or even broken feet and an injured pinky. But, really, isn't it just ridiculous? I mean, so what if I'm on crutches for 3 months out of my life? What is that to God? I'm not supposed to focus on those things--I'm supposed to focus on God. Just Him....that's it. He will do the rest. I do my part, to live righteously before Him and to show others the light and life of Jesus Christ, and God will take care of everything else. I have been reading through Psalms since I've been here, and God has really been speaking to me through it. I just want you to think about these verses for a few minutes. Read them, think about them, and just see what you find out about God...

Psalms 29:3-11
"The voice of the Lord is over the waters;
The God of glory thunders;
The Lord is over many waters.
The voice of the Lord is powerful;
The voice of the Lord is full of majesty.
The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars,
Yes, the Lord splinters the cedars of Lebanon.
He makes them also skip like a calf,
Lebanon and Sirion like a young wild ox.
The voice of the Lord divides the flames of fire.
The voice of the Lord shakes the wilderness;
The Lord shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.
The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth,
And strips the forest bare;
And in His temple everyone says, "Glory!"
The Lord sat enthroned at the Flood,
And the Lord sits as King forever.
The Lord will give strength to His people;
The Lord will bless His people with peace."

The same Lord that can split trees, shake the wilderness, and divide flames of fire with only the sound of His voice is the same Lord that will give His strength to His people. Isn't that just the awesomest thing ever?! I think so!!