frustration

I wish I had some amazingly intriguing story to write, or some exciting news to tell, but the fact is, I don't. Ever have those times when you feel like you just need an outlet of some sort, even though nothing is really wrong or really right, you just need to write? So my life stands. I catch myself feeling down at times, when really, I have no reason to be. Maybe it's just because I'm tired, I don't know. And I hate when I get like this, because I just want to be a steady, strong person that other people can rely on. Then I get all retarded and sad for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I think so much about everything and it eventually starts to wear on me, so much so that I become this hideous monster at random moments. I start acting like a jerk, even though deep down I know its wrong and uncalled for. Then, of course, the millisecond after those harsh and unkind words shoot out of my mouth, I say to myself, "You idiot!! Why did you have to go and say that?!" I'm not discussing this topic because I made some horrible screw-up recently, either. But, I do tend to do things like this on occasion, when I'm not in the best of moods. I don't know...it's just something that's been on my mind. I really hate it when I do things like that, though. I don't think I've ever forgotten a time when I said some uncalled for comment. It eats at me.
When I get down like this, all I long for is the steady, constant, unchanging life I remember from when I was younger. No big decisions, no friends moving away, no college, no family moving out. I confess that I miss the days when I could just call up my best friend some afternoon and watch a movie, or just talk the day away with no thought of work, money, projects, etc. I miss when life was simple, yet full. People always coming to the house, having a good time. Many times I feel like I'm asking for the world when I wish that I could just have a simple, plain, yet very good life. I swear, people look at me like I'm a lunatic when I talk about this stuff. I know that life only gets harder and busier, and what not, but I think that's a big crock. Why does life have to be complicated? Why does it have to be hard? Why do I have to live the same life as other people have? Why can't I at least attempt to be different, even if it might not work? In my opinion, people have no right telling you that your life is going to be like this or like that, and that xyz is going to happen to you. Who are they to know what God has in store for my life? How do they know He's not going to make my life different from the norm? I'm not saying that I want to do nothing, either. I know I have to work hard to pay the bills and all that junk. I don't mean to ramble on about this stuff, and I don't even know if I'm making any sense. I just get so unbelievably frustrated when people act like I or someone else is supposed to be some cookie-cutter cut out person.....I hate that!!
Alright, sorry, I just really needed to vent. Like I said.....I needed an outlet. I think I'm done now.